You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
