I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Randomize
