Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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