Can Purell be used as lube?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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