Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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