i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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