the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize