For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize