You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
