my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Can I color on your dick again?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
