Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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