You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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