ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
