I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
