dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Is it because I queefed?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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