I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize