i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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