im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
