Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
