I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
