Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
