just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
