Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
No stitches, just platelets and will power
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
