you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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