he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
