youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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