i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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