Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
So much rum. So many feels.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
