Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
