I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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