So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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