I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
