i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
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