just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
