UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
