hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
