one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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