Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
