i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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