I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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