i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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