she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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