And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
