Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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