Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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