Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
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