the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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