You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
