Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
