I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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