you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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