i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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