8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
3 2 1 whiskey
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
