I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
