I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
