you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
