You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
