I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
