i wish there were pregnant emoticons
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
