Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
