They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
