i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
