Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
