I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
