I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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