I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
