why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
