you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
