Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
well you can't waste a boner
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
