hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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