i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
