we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize