are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
