my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Randomize
